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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Justifying


Why is it that as mother's we are constantly having to justify our decisions??

Everyone and every baby is different. I think we all get that right? So why is it that people (family, friends, strangers) feel the need to tell us their opinions? I'll be the first to admit that I am new to this mothering thing and that it is crazy hard and I don't know what I'm doing for a hot second. But...that does not mean Mrs. Stranger in Target that I care what you think about me not breastfeeding my baby anymore or when my baby should nap. Sounds bad but I don't give a what.

When a stopped breastfeeding that is when I swear everyone started to ask me about it. I chose to stop because that is what I felt was best for me and my family. So again, why Mrs. Stranger in Target, why, why do you care so much? Why am I standing in the middle of Target with my itty bitty baby explaining my boobs and what is being expressed from them to you? And yes back in the 70's, 80's and even 90's you did the rice cereal thing from a bottle. That's great. I chose not to do that. Don't look at me like I'm cray cray.

When I am having to justify daycare decision to a man with no kids just drives me insane. I picked who I have picked for a daycare provider because I trust her, C likes her and I (and my husband) think she does a good job. But again why do I have to explain this to you? This all goes back to my post about family. As a family this is a decision we have chosen and why am I being questioned about it?

I try to not express my opinions or what we do in the E household onto my friends with babies unless they specifically ask for my advice. I think that could ruin a friendship very quickly. There are obviously some friends that I feel more comfortable talking and telling things too but I do know the ones that will take things wrong so I just don't go there. It's not worth losing a friend over and who is to say that my opinion or what we are doing in the E house will work for them.

I have thought these things for a while now and just decided to write about them for girls who are pregnant now or are going through the same thing. For the most part people have butt out as my babe is getting older but I still have those random Target ladies telling me hoe to raise my child.

4 comments:

Mama S said...

That is so true! Strange people are always wanting to give you advice, even if it is your second child. I was in the grocery store about a month ago and an older lady was handing out samples of the Wheat Thin Stixs. She gave my 4 year some and then gave me some. My 1 year old was sitting in the buggy so I decided to give him one because he wanted one. She proceeds to tell me that I might not want to give him one because he could choke on it. I looked at her and then she said "I guess your his mommy and you know your child!" I just had to walk off!

Yes some moms wouldn't have given their child this, but I was watching him and I know what he can and can't eat!

People and their unwanted advice!!

the workaholic momma said...

Its so crazy to me how once you have a child - everyone thinks you need advice. What happened to "live and let live?" Thankfully, my family and close friends are really good about supporting me in my baby raising craziness but I do get really irritated that everyone else thinks they have a say in how I raise Addie!!

You are a wonderful momma and I have no doubt that Baby C is blessed to have such a loving momma!!!

Jessica said...

So so true! I'm getting the range of unsolicitied advice. Most recently, my college roomie (love her) but because she is a full time nanny to twins...she truly believes she is the baby whisperer. LOL. Part of me, with her at least, can laugh. I agree, she has alot of experience (more than most childless folks) but she is no baby whisperer and pretty much told me i needed to get P on a firmer nap schedule. and a few other things. I didn't ask about. LOL

Things I find more annoying. My MIL telling me to put P to sleep on her belly. WHy? (We aren't having sleeping issues. I didn't ask for her opinion.) Well b/c she doesn't like her swaddled and she did it with her kids...and "they" will probably change the rule back to belly sleeping in a year anyway.

Alas, yes. People you don't even know....judging, giving advice, requiring explanation on things that are none of their business.

I'm so with you. I try my hardest to let not get to me. But somedays....and fairly often. It drives me nuts!

Lorri said...

Do NOT feel like you have to justify anything to anyone! You are obviously doing a great job with that sweet boy......and you don't need to prove that to strangers. God gave you that boy because He knew you would raise him the way you think is best. It was hard for me to stop justifying myself with my first baby. But by the time the second and third came along, I was NOT putting up with it. I would just smile and walk away. I remember nursing Annie (covered up completely) at a park when she was almost one. A lady approached me and said, "don't you think it is about time to stop that? I mean, how old is she?". Unfortunately for her, she caught me on an "off" day. I looked at her and said, "she was bone 8 weeks premature and needs this. If you have a problem with it, then call her pediatrician! Now, beat it!". It was so out of character for me! But I must say, she quickly apologized and told me that she really needed to work on holding her tongue. After that, I refused to let others try and tell me what I should or should not be doing in regards to raising MY children. Keep your head up and take comfort in knowing that you are doing what YOU think is best for him. You can't do any more than that! XOXO