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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sacred Marriage {Link Up}

I am linking up with Jenn over at Knee-Deep In Munchkin Land.

A bunch of us are all reading Sacred Marriage and today we are talking about the first Chapter.

I read the first Chapter and to be honest, I was bored. I was hoping all the rest of the Chapters were not going to be anything like the first.

Let me just put it out there that I am not a reader. I like to read magazines and blogs and that is the extent of that. So, if a books first Chapter is boring I normally wont go any further.

However, I loved this idea of the book club and think that getting a bunch of other women together to read and hear their thoughts about marriage is such an awesome idea! So, I stuck it out and even read Chapters 2 and im onto Chapter 3 now (pretty impressive for me I must say).

So back on to Chapter one.
Jenn threw out some questions to think about while reading Chapter one and then touch on these a little in the blog post, so thats what im going to do. Hopefully the next Chapters I can go into more depth. As I said before I was not that crazy about this Chapter.

Tell about a time in your marriage when something happened that stripped away the well-designed facades to expose the real and sinful you.
About three months into our marriage, I was exposed. It actually did not have a lot to do with our marriage, however the situation that arose showed my Husband who I had been. The situation I am talking about is my sister's death. I have touched on the topic of my sister and I in a couple of blog posts but for those of you that do not know, we were never that close. Not at all. She did some things to my family and myself that hurt me. Hurt me bad. I just could not get past them. It mainly involved what I perceived as her selfishness of not wanting to give up the party life to mother her own child. I just did not understand it. And to be honest I will never understand. Abuse was also involved and I will never touch on that subject but it is what it is and her son is thankfully a very adaptive kid. Anyways, my sister was dying of cancer. She was literally on her death bed when I finally came around. God was pounding at my heart telling me I needed to fix this situation and I dont have much time. So, I took all of our past fights, ugly words, and thoughts about her and just tossed them out the window. She is my sister for goodness sakes I will not let the past haunt us. So, thats what I did, I did all that I could to be there for her. Talk to her like she was normal and not dying. We were sisters right then and there for the first time in ages. We both loved it. We had a blast. But as we were rekindling our sisterhood I was melting inside. I felt like a horrible person for not helping her more through her rough times and being there for her like a true sister whether she was there for me or not. I WAS THE SELFISH PERSON. So, as my sister was dying and when she finally past my husband saw the hurt I was going through because of how I let our sisterhood go down the drain. I was at fault and there was nothing more I could do it about. I was a sinner and I know God did not like my actions that created us as enemies. My husband saw the real me. The real me who got pushed to the edge and did not react well. Let me just say that I have learned 110% from her death and keep learning new things to better myself every week.

What is one virture or charater quality you realized needed to grow more in your life once you got married?
We got married in March of 2008, I was 26 years old. And as probably every other married couple you think everything is going to be peaches and cream. It is for the most part, except you get to learn all the quirks and bad habits. To this day, 3 years of marriage, I am learning how to be a better wife, I need to learn more patience, and to be greatful for him. Marriage is a tough cookie but so awesome at the same time. But ladies, when ya got a baby screaming because he is hungry, all the cabinet doors are open because the hubs forgot where we keep the cups because he is thirsty, the dog is licking his bowl like a maniac because someone forgot to feed him, the trash is overflowing, you tend to go a little crazy in your mind. I need to be thankful that he brings home money to provide us food, he help make me this precious baby that is now screaming off his head, he loves me more then I will ever know. I need to remember that he can be gone from us in a blink of an eye and to be greatful and appreciative of him.

What do you wish you learned before taking your vows and beginning your marriage relationship.
My spirituality is very personal to me, as well it is to my husband. To be honest, we really do not talk about it unless I bring it up. Before we said our vows we did not do any marriage counseling. The only thing I regret about that decission is that I wish my husband knew how to be the head of the house in terms of putting God first for our family. I want him to step up and lead us down a Godly path as a family. I feel that I have to do that by myself.

The author suggest that marriage might be meant to make us holy more than happy. do you agree or disagree and why?
I believe God wants us to marry our life partner to be happy and holy. I think both of them go hand in hand. As for the both of us, we went to a Christian Elementary, Middle and High School. We both know God and have accepted God into our lives. So, if we are both happy in our marriage then we are much more likely to act in his holiness together. Actually the authors questions has made me question some things in my own life and spiritual walk with God as a mom and a wife. There are several things rolling around in my head about this question. I will most likely do a post about it when I figure it all out :)

These were some of my fav questions that Jenn asked and I really wanted to share my answers. I do feel very exposed answering these questions as I am a very private person when it comes to my personal life but I have meet some incredible bloggers out there in blog land and feel like I can share them with you all.


Jenn @ Knee-Deep in Munchkin Land said...

Cheryl, thanks for being so open and vulnerable with us! I can relate to the spiritual leader in our home, so I'd love to discuss this on Thursday night.

I, too, thought it was a very broad overview of the book and had a hard time writing my thoughts on this chapter. I'm really excited to delve deeper in the rest of the book.

Kim H. said...

Great post! I enjoyed reading it, and agree on many points. Thank you for being so open and honest with your answers.

The name of your blog cracks me up - it is SO true!

Cindy said...

Wow thanks for being so real. So excited to go through this journey with you!

Jane said...

Great, great post. I didn't go as near as in depth as you did, and I felt vulnerable and exposed too. You did an amazing job opening up and being incredibly honest. I agree completely with your idea of being happy and holy. It mirrors that idea that they are not mutually exclusive. We can have it all in that aspect.

Sarah @ Dandelion Chronicles said...

Thank you for sharing so many personal thoughts. I think we can all learn from your experiences!

Happiness Is... said...

Thanks for being so open. I have to say that that book bored me to tears. I wanted to like it, I really did. I tried to read it and reverted to skimming it. I just thought it got repetitive and didn't really say anything new. But, I look forward to reading your thoughts b/c I do like that it pushes thinking and vulnerability.