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Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Truth Of The Ped's Office {Every Mama Can Relate}

Whenever I have to take C to the Ped's office I feel like I am the one being tortured.
And here are my issues...

Problem #1
We all get out of the car, baby in arms and diaper bag thrown across my shoulder and coffee in hand spilling all over the place.
 But its 8:00 a.m. so Mama needs caffeine especially for this experience.
I get up to the door and just stand and stare at it.
I don't even want to touch the handle.
I swear I can see germs jumping off of it and onto my precious little child infecting him with some nasty green snooty coughy crap.
But I finally realize that we need to go inside and the doors aren't going to magically open because I'm starting at them with arms full.
So I open them muttering under my breath how disgusting that just was.

Simple Resolution: Act like you are a nice restaurant and have someone manning the door.
Mama's normally have their hands full of baby and all their stuff and need all the help they can get.

Problem #2
Finally inside and I have to sign in.
I can do this, put my dripping coffee down, throw my diaper bag on a chair and swing baby on hip.
We are officially here and ready to see the Doctor.
Well, we wait and wait and the bright as Florida sunshine fluorescent lights are humming, babe is starting to get restless and walk up to every person in the room and just stare at them.
Ummm baby didn't your Mother tell you it was rude to stare.
Guess not, mom fail and the awkwardness sets in.

Simple Resolution: Let us check in electronically on our phones in the car while Babe is seated and calm.

Problem #3
We are finally called back after sitting in the first waiting room for what seems like an eternity.
Thanks Doc!
I thought that's why I got the first appointment of the day.
So I don't have to deal with any of the above mess.
Guess not.
Now, we see the Nurse.
I think they do this so the Doctor has a buffer in her time.
The Nurse is kinda like the opening act of a show.
We all want the real thing we are here to see but have to wait and hear what she has to say first.
She asks the questions she asks every single time we are there and then she leaves.

Simple Resolution: Stick to the appointment time the Mama schedule. There is a reason for the appointment, that's why we make it.

Problem #4
She leaves us in a small itty bitty room with toys.
Ok, toys are for kids to play with right?
No, no they are not.
Not in this instance.
Remember Problem #1.
I didn't even want to touch the door knob walking into this place why do I want my child touching these germ infested toys?!
For the love, why do these Doctors do this to the Mother's.
It's not fair.
So now, my child sees these fun looking old toys and wants to play with them.

Simple Resolution: Get the dang toys out of the itty bitty rooms!!!

Problem #5
I have to somehow wrangle my child away from the toys and become way more fun and entertaining then those bright colored toys sitting and starting at my child and calling his name.
This is not going to happen at 8 in the morning.
But somehow I must muster up my chipper self and become an airplane.
An airplane that spins, dips, sings, catapults, sways, laughs, etc.
And I have to do this until the Doctor decides she wants to start working for the day.
Um about 20-30 minutes of us being in the SECOND "waiting room"

Simple Resolution: Again with the appointment thing and the toys.

Problem #6
I have now morphed into a flying machine and sings and dances and in walks the Doctor.
This Mama is now sweating profusely.
Like I just completed a triathlon.
And now she wants my child to sit still.
Again, not happening.
He is a toddler did you not look at his chart.
She starts asking me a bunch of questions which I in tern answer.
But I really just want to sit down and take a rest.
Because again I just worked out for 30 mins while she was doing who knows what.

Simple Resolution: Doc hurry your ass up! I don't want to sit here with my squirmy toddler. Yes he is adorable but hurry it up!

Problem #7
Appointment is done and I am supposed to make my next appointment up front with the receptionist.
Great, fine, get me the hell outta here!
But how am I supposed to do that when the Doctor just pissed off my toddler?
She put two shots in his little legs and he is angry and sick of being in this place too.
He wants down and out.
And Mama did not get a chance to take even one sip of her mommy juice because she was too busy trying to keep him healthy and away from those germ infested toys.
Which obviously the Doctor is not too concerned about.
So you have pushed my Babe to his limit and this Mama because she has not had her coffee.
So to solve the appointment problem please let the Mama's schedule the next appointment at the beginning of the appointment when we are just waiting and my child is happy.
Big, big Doctor office fail because we are done with this place and just want to leave.

Simple Resolution: Let us schedule the appointments when we first get in, or let us schedule them electronically.


Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

Ugh such a miserable experience. It's so hard to not let them touch things while they are in that room! Ick.

Crispin said...

DYING!!!!!! that is so funny AND so true!!!

Elle Sees said...

ooh i can't stand that! i don't have kids but have helped many a friend/sis at the Drs with their kids.

bonbon said...

Haha! I love it! You should send this to the doctor's office! It's so well written and brings your point across effectively! I bet it would do more good than you would think!