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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Parenting Struggles

I am struggling.
Struggling with parenting.
Struggling with the idea that my child is not perfect.

At Colby's 18 month well visit the Ped asked if he was speaking at least 10 words.
My answer was a resounding "no".
Not even close.
Yes, he does the toddler babble but other than that we get the occasional
"no", "ball", "hi".
Other than that my toddler was a babbling, wild man.

So, the Ped referred us to a speech evaluator.
The husband and I talked about it and decided we would give it a month.
Maybe he would take off talking on his own and we didn't need this
professional toddler whisper in our lives.

Well, a month and a half later we were not seeing any progress.
So, we decided to finally book an evaluation for him.
The very first evaluation seemed to go ok.
He liked Miss L. and played with her.
However, the questions she was asking us called to fail him.
My child failed.
My.
Child.
Failed.
After she gave us the results and told us the next steps, I was left
with the test results in my hands.
Failures as figures.
I did not take it well.
The thought that my child failed something broke my heart.
It still breaks my heart.

We went to another evaluation to see if he approved for the State funded program and he did.
Because he failed again.

He was failing in the communication department.
He was not saying and responding to things they wanted him too.

They said they were concerned with his hearing.
Concerned with my child's hearing?!
So not only did he fail but he might not be able to hear?

All this is weighing on my heart and mind.
Bad.
I look at his little sweet face and I want nothing but perfection for him.
I don't want him to struggle.

I am trying to have a new outlook on his speech and communication but its hard.
It's really hard.

I will keep you updated with our journey with the speech therapy.
Our first appointment is Friday.


14 comments:

Karen said...

I understand exactly what you are going through. Our 21 month old son, Paxton has been in speech therapy (and occupational therapy for sensory issues) since January. He too, failed when we took him for an evaluation with our local Infants and Toddlers program. It is hard to accept that your child failed. As parents, we want everything to be perfect and easy for them. I hope your evaluation goes well.

Mascara meets Matchbox said...

Cheryl, this would not be easy for any Mom. He is still your perfect little man whatever happens, especially with the love of his parents that he surely has. Stay strong.

Erin said...

Here's the good news, you are not a failure and neither is Colby.. Yes he failed that test but it doesn't mean he isn't bright. I have such a disdain for testing and look they are starting them out at 18 months already flunking poor little ones. I can only imagine how tough this is. Now, if they think his hearing may be a little off it would explain his speech and all those things can be worked on and improved. Stay strong, you can do this and sweet Colby will be talking away in no time, I'm sure of it!

Lindsey said...

The best thing you are doing? Being an advocate for your child. It pains me to see parents that have children who are a little behind and they just keep waiting for that "catch up" the following month. Parents who dub on-schedule children as geniuses because their same-aged child isn't at that level yet. They put off testing, in turn putting off help for their child.

I always want to do an analogy for them- if your child was struggling with a math problem for school, would you just sit idly by and watch them get frustrated? Get tutoring? Most parents would help them. Cheryl, that is EXACTLY what you are doing for Colby. Getting him the help he deserves. That does not make you a failure. That makes you the best parent in the world, for giving your child everything he needs, even if it is a little early intervention.

When I talk with my sister and brother-in-law (ENT doc) about a toddler not talking much, the first thing they ask is if their hearing has been checked. It is common for it to be checked to proceed with the next step.

Hugs to you! I am sure if Colby could express himself, he would say "thank you for doing this for me! I Love you too!"

Lindsey said...

Awww hugs mama!! This is not your fault at all!! Being a supportive and loving parent is hard enough some days- to worry about this is over the top! We went through the same thing with Julianna but luckily as soon as she had tubes put in her ears she was talking up a storm and hasn't stopped since! Praying for you and your family that C just all of a sudden starts talking up a storm too!! Xo

natasha {schue love} said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Cheryl. You're the furthest thing from a bad parent...look at all that you're doing for your son. He is lucky to have such loving and supportive parents that want the best for him! Hang in there...I'm sure a new door will open and get him talking in no time. :)

Alicia xoxxo said...

Awww...momma! You are a great mommy! And your little man will be ok. I know things are hard for you right now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Gina said...

Cheryl, oh darlin' I've been in your shoes and completely understand what you're going through. I'll just echo what the others have said, first off you are so not a bad parent. And it's definitely common for them to check hearing to rule that out before anything else. I went through the same thing with my first child. And it was because of that experience that I never did the playgroup sort of thing because I could not deal with the 'comparisons' of who's doing what first and how many words, etc, etc. I'd be happy to share what we went through with you! I know it seems so hard right now but I promise it will get better once you go through the motions. You're an awesome mom!

Stephanie said...

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully this is just a little set back and he'll be chatting away in no time. You are still a fantastic mom though!! Don't forget that!

Laura [Beauty & the Beard] said...

What an honest post, thanks for sharing lady. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through- I can't pretend I do because I don't have children of my own- but from being madly protective of my baby niece i can only imagine what it would be like to have a worry about your child (who is beyond adorable, by the way). Good luck to you and Colby, I'll be thinking about you!!

Mrs. Kee said...

Cheryl, you have in no way failed. You are a wonderful mother. And your son hasn't failed either. Try not to think of it that way. I'm a speech pathologist and so I know you are doing the right thing in getting him therapy now. Early intervention is great because a lot of the time we're able to catch them up before they begin school so they are right on track! They want to test his hearing because that's the first thing we always check on and ask about, they'll just want to know about everything from his ability to hear to his history with ear infections. Be patient and prayerful. Do NOT blame yourself. You're a wonderful, loving mother with a smart, sweet son. I'll be praying for you!

Happiness Is... said...

You are not a failure and neither is your precious son. Any mother would struggle with this, but neither of you have failed. He will thrive in his own time, as do all children. I refuse to believe that any children are failures at anything, including your son!

the workaholic momma said...

Oh my goodness hun, I am SSOOO sorry you are going through all of this:( YOU are NOT a failure....and you should in no way feel that you are. My cousin's baby boy had a hearing issue as well that delayed his speech but he is doing much better with some assistance:) Sending big hugs your way!!!

Kate @ Daffodils said...

Im sure he will catch up in due time, so much pressure it put on us as parents! My friend jenn wrote a post about her son's speech delay recently: http://lifewiththelieutenant.blogspot.com/2012/04/if-youre-looking-for-laugh-you-are.html

It is really good. Blessings to you all!