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Monday, January 13, 2014

'Cause I'm Bossy

"The opposite of Bossing is Partnering"

Boss: a person who makes decisions, exercises authority, dominates, etc. 
Partner: a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor; sharer; associate.

A Boss doesn't ask for help.
They go through their life thinking they can do it all.
That their way is the right way.
That other people's opinions don't matter because, again, their way is the right way.
No one can do as good of a job as they can, and when someone is trying to "help" it isn't helping because it's not their way of doing it, which is the right way.
They can often be degrading when they don't even realize it.

A Partner is someone who asks for help when they are feeling too overwhelmed.
They seek others advice because they know that they could benefit from their insight.
A Boss will turn to the Partner when they finally realize that their way isn't the only way.
The Partner will gladly accept the Boss with warm open arms.

I sit back and think, am I becoming a "Boss"?
I know I sure do like the phrase "act like a lady, work like a boss".
Doesn't necessarily apply to this situation though.
I sure do like things a certain way.
I do tend to redo things that I don't think are quite up to par. 
And, I did just give my husband a tutorial on how to burp a baby properly...our second baby.
You would think he would know how to burp a baby.
In fact, he does know how to burp a baby.

In case you can't see it, there is a light bulb over my head.
This one example is just one of the many, many things that I try to control, and normally not in sweetie pie, sugary responses to my husband.
More in the tone of voice your mother talked to you in when you were little and knew you were in deep shit.
Sometimes I will add in a smirk of a smile or two just for shits and gigs so I don't completely explode.

What is that?
My husband mutters the words "what can I help with?"
But all I hear is "how can I mess this up?".
If its not done my way, then I tend to break out in hives and burn inside.
I feel the need to conquer mommy hood, being a wife, full time paralegal, blogger, and whatever the hell else I get myself into, all by super hero self.
Caffeinated of course, but by myself non the less.
Why do I do this to myself when my husband is eagerly wanting to help so he doesn't come home to frazzled, sailor mouth of a wife?
Because I am a BOSS.
As much as I like how that sounds, its not the badge of honor I am looking for.

I want to be able to take my husband up on his offers of help,
to share in this journey of parenting,
to come home from work without feeling like I have to start a second job as working in day labor.
This is my problem, that I feel the need to control everything in life and BOSS everyone around me.
I need to be a partner and let things go so I am a better mother, wife, friend, and over all person.
Isn't that what life is about?
Helping each other out, sharing responsibility and this precious adventure we call life.
Not constant negativity and giving the side eye to our spouses and mess-makers children.

In 2014, I will add PARTNERING to my goals list.
I want to PARTNER with husband in marriage, parent hood and life.
I will let go of things that don't really matter.
I will work with him as a team.
We will be Team Enlow.

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1 comment:

Stephany said...

This is sooooooo me! Michael just thinks I'm crazy, I think. When Lilli was born I was an emotional train wreck. No lie, true story there. But, I would look across the room at Michael holding her and just bust out crying saying "you're just doing it all wrong, she DOES NOT like to be held that way!"

And, he was not doing it any different than me, he was just doing it in his "daddy way".

I've had to say a lot of "I'm sorry to him" because I hurt his feelings so much. He is her daddy. Breaks my heart to even go back down that memory lane.

But, very thankful I'm not the only one that has gone through that.

PS. when I worked I would redo people's work all the time in the computer because it was just "tacky" to me. ha. D.O.R.K! I struggle with be a perfectionist and being "bossy!"