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Monday, March 3, 2014

Mom Suit



I pull into the driveway after an 11 hour day. Fully exhausted and with two boys in the backseat. The tot's batteries are fully charged and the sweet baby just wants to be held and loved on by his tired mommy. All I secretly want to do is sit down and veg out. So, I continue to sit in the driveway trying to give myself a pep talk and tell myself that I got this. T minus 3 hours. T minus. I get out and head to the mailbox to only open it and find a repulsive sight. Bills of course but its the dreadful Victoria Secret Swim Suit Edition. Really?! If I didn't already have a mentally tiring day, now I am forced to look at this chick's perfectly perky booty on the cover. Really?! I had already slapped myself on the hand for trying to reach into my candy drawer at work. After all, that salad at lunch and hummus snack surely didn't fill me up. Not to mention that I feel like I am at a standstill with my weight that is frustrating enough to make me want to delve into an vat of wine ass first.

After hauling the kids and all the junk inside, I sit down for the two seconds that they allow me to and flip through the brightly colored, practically naked catalog. All I can think about is how I try to avoid bathing suits at all costs. I have a Mom Suit, which is "cute" if you even want to call it that. My husband has stopped even commenting on that bathing suit situation. I think he thinks that I am the only one in the world actually wearing this thing I call a "Mom Suit". He just doesn't get it. 

But anyways, my next thought is, who can even wear these pieces of fabrics they are calling bathing suits? Certainly not people who attend the beach or a pool with kids. The number of times you squat down and lean over while you are with your kids at the beach is down right inappropriate in a bathing suit in the first place, not to mention these VS bathing suits. Boobs popping out left and right, wedgies and whatever the hell else that wants to sneak out it's all out for everyone to see.   

First up the itty bitty bottoms. Mama's got some junk in her trunk that shit needs to be covered up. VS please note, no one wants to see a women's C-section scar. That is not sexy. If you can see the scar, or the bottoms are near, touching the scar or even thinking about maybe scooting down, they are too low. Then there are the triangle tops. Now, I could rock these when I was maybe 21. But, not now that I'm in my 30's. Remember that I am most likely at the beach/pool with my children, I'm not laying still in one position, I am wrangling and saving my kids life from the water. My boobs have no business being in something that is triangle shaped. 

We need coverage. What is so hard to understand about that? Victoria's Secret you are missing out on a key audience, Moms. To amp up your revenue the answer is simple. Make the suits you are currently making, which are obviously gorgeous, fashionable and make them twice as big, oh and keep the price the same please. Take a normal sized person and use them as your template and I bet you would more of a killing than you already are. 

6 comments:

Christie C said...

I think there's about a 0.0000000002% of the population that could wear the bathing suits available! I'm certainly not one! I appreciate a little left to the imagination...as well as comfort. That teeny suit just makes me think I'd be picking my wedgie all day long, haha!

Colleen @AMadisonMom said...

Yep... mom suit here too. I'm really liking my skirted tankini. I can't remember the last time I even considered shopping with Victoria's Secret. They could make a killing if they made an entire "mom friendly line".

Amanda Rodriguez said...

All of my suits have a skirt. And a belly covering. And no cut outs. And under wire. Needless to say, none of them have been purchased via Victoria's Secret.

Lynsey @ Eternally Wanderlyn said...

I don't have kids and I still can't wear those itty bitty teeny weeny bikinis! I think they need some alternatives for all of us who aren't, you know, Victoria Secret models.

Elizabeth @Port Of Thoughts said...

I'm soooooo feeling you! I got soooo sick of Victoria's Secret sending seductively posed women to my door I called and asked to be removed from their list. Not to mention they don't support breast feeding mommm's. If your looking for a cute one piece this year Albion Fit is where I've been looking and will likely buy. Following from Let's be Friends Hop!!!

Anonymous said...

Check out Momikini.com they are a start up swimwear line for mamas. The suits are designed for Mamas who's pre-baby bikinis don't cut it but they are not ready for their Moms onepiece.